I love being able to text my wife poop pics and she replies “congratulations!” with party confetti celebration emojis.
It’s not just the event, either. Marriage means KNOWING (and giving a shit) when your mate is suffering from constipation or any kind of gastrointestinal distress.
After three days of not pooping, I was getting pretty stressed out, and Delia KNOWS it, and is rooting for me. She understands why I’m drinking “too much” coffee, and that we can deal with the negative consequences of that in order to facilitate the positive one(s).
Listen … I don’t bombard her with bowel movement imagery, but every so often — once in a blue moon — we do produce noteworthy toilet events that we want a witness to. And we believe that true lifelong love means we will bear witness to one another’s most epic shits.
Today after four shots of espresso, I was finally able to go while she was out on an errand. I kind of took a picture of the inside of the toilet bowl just for my own documentation, but … I was proud of it and wanted to share: an ominous big dark bumpy turd laying alongside a soft lighter-brown lowercase italic letter “i”, PLUS seriously blood-stained bright-red toilet paper. It made me feel tough, and bore testimony in support of what a hard time I was having. Plus the contrast in colors made for an interesting composition.
When loved ones look at each other’s poops, it is an act of embracing both sides of the “in sickness and in health” coin. As animals we are designed to assess our own and other creatures’ health by what our scat tells us. Awareness, inspection, and appreciation of poop is the essence of being in community with each other. If you are invested in someone, you are invested in their bowel movements.
I’m not saying I’m “into” scat, or that I really relish my wife’s poop or want her to really enjoy mine, but checking in and keeping one another apprised conversationally like “how did you sleep, how are you pooping, how was work today, etc.”
And maybe once a year it feels healthy to say LOOK AT THIS HONEY!! When your output is truly exceptional or a really big relief — I love being on the same page with this. Even if we quickly look away or just leave it as an unopened thumbnail, it’s just really nice to have your partner pat you on the back over a really good poop sometimes.
File under “compatibility” and “love”.
