Yesterday I mentioned I love how Delia and I are both open to prayer, and do pray (and even pray together) on a regular basis.
I know that probably sounds hokey to some of you, and/or you associate it with very specific religious practices or ideas of “God”. Today’s follow-up might clear that up or challenge those perceptions a little.
I love that today when I started flipping through the PRAYERS FOR EVERY DAY cards we picked up yesterday, Delia burst out laughing when I decided to replace “Father”, “God”, etc. with the word “FUCKER”.
“Dear Heavenly Fucker … we beseech thee blabbety blah” etc.
“Take, O Fucker, and receive my entire liberty yakkety yak” etc.
Anyway, I love that we can be spiritual and pray and believe in (a) higher power(s), but our concepts of those things are wiiiiiiiiiiide open. That we can have fun with and find meaning in lots of things most people who do pray and believe in some kind of God would label blasphemy and shrink away from.
I love that we can play around with blasphemy and are on the same relatively-weird wavelengths around all of this kind of stuff.
I love believing in a God that just “wants us to be happy, joyous, and free”, and being able to practice and share that belief with my wife, and experience joy, pleasure, fun, relief, transcendence, strength, humor, and LIFE together with faith, openness, imagination, and freedom. With a healthy frequent smattering of realism and dark humor.
Spiritual compatibility is really really hard to authentically find. I feel very grateful and lucky to have this with Delia. Knowing how exceptional it is to be compatible with anyone this way makes me extra full of gratitude. So many people crave and struggle to find people and opportunities to connect spiritually and come up short. It’s hard enough to find spiritual compatibility with friends, family, roommates, communities or churches, let alone in a life partner.
The longer we’re together and present as internet-based sex workers with fans and followers who want to have what we have in their own lives and fear they will never find it, the more I want to find ways to give people hope and encouragement that it is possible, and insights into our own relationship; it’s not perfect and it’s not just about great sex. Especially after this many years together.
It’s about being compatible as weirdos who aren’t like everyone else. It’s about being too uncomfortable with conformity when it doesn’t align with your identity, your belief systems, and goals. And it’s about housework as much as wanting yourself and each other to have your hearts’ longings.
I wish everyone could have the best parts of what Delia and I have with each other, if that’s what you want. Part of finding and growing that kind of relationship requires understanding that not everyone is really interested in having all of that, though. You’re not compatible with every single other person in the world; you know that. But are you clear on who you ARE compatible with? Do you know what the most important things are for someone to have in common with you to intertwine your lives with?
Compatibility is more important than just being accepted. When you’re clear about how vital compatibility is to thrive in relationships, it gets easier to enjoy casual connections that spring up due to some sort of mutual acceptance, and easier to accept being “rejected” or just being without a strong primary partner when you know how important real compatibility is … and how super freaktastic awesomely unusual it is FIND that.
The clearer you are about your own identity, values and approach to life — from mundane daily stuff like housework and money management, to more amorphous stuff like humor and “spirituality” and what (and how) you WORSHIP or who you look to for guidance and inspiration — the likelier you’ll be to recognize potential for exceptional relationships (and reduce disappointment over all of the people you can’t get close to who you are not even compatible with anyway).
You probably found Delia and I on the internet because you were horny and looking for porn. You might even still think that THAT (sex!) is what you envy about our relationship. Over the past two decades, tons of people have expressed longing to “have what we have”, but a lot of the time they’re not even aware of how deep it goes: how deep it HAS to go to come anywhere close to getting what we have.
It probably doesn’t make you horny, but the truth is having a relationship like ours takes silly-sounding shit like being spiritually compatible. Not just to have the awesomeness you see from the outside, but to be able to cope together with the challenges and struggles and things that are HARD about all long-term relationships, including ours.
Maybe when you investigate what you really want in (a) relationship(s), and who you are / what it means for someone to be compatible with YOU, you’ll realize … dude, it’s not what Delia and Trixie have together after all! Maybe you’ll be like … “fuck this daily prayer shit! I actually just want to find someone who likes to bone the same way and as much as I do!” If so … fucking AWESOME! I hope you have that realization and feel massive relief and less sadness when you recognize exactly what you’re looking for is less complicated and more clear-cut than the legendary unicorn-level magic some of us have been fortunate enough to meld into. ;)~